Was this horrible experience ever going to end?!
She had also completely disappeared off of social media- her friend’s page and biz page were gone (later I found out it was because she blocked me on social media so I couldn’t see that she was still around and pulling the same ole tricks).
Now she is claiming that it wasn’t her fault, that she can’t issue a refund because PayPal has frozen her account. She wonders why I can’t give her more time and asks for another chance.
Excuse… after excuse… after excuse…
Now- I’m really heart-centered. I give people the benefit of the doubt. I give people more chances than I likely should.
I felt like total crap. I’m so mean when she’s just running into a stroke of bad luck. I’m angry, but I’m sad. I’m scared that this is what owning your business is really like.
But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t give one more ounce of stress to this situation. I was so tired of it looming over me like a dark cloud. I just wanted to cut loose and forget it all. Yet- I wanted my money back!
So- it all sat dormant in me until I couldn’t handle it anymore. I didn’t know what to do. I thought I was the only one. I was so scared to tell people how foolish I had been.
Over a year has passed since this incident and I’m just now ready to do something with it. I needed time. I needed to learn to pick myself up and work through the shame. I needed to build up my confidence that I let her destroy.
Now that it’s time to share- what do I do?!
If you’re feeling that it’s time for you to share your experience, there are a few things you need to do first so that it’s actually helpful and conducive to others. I don’t know about you- but lashing out like a woman scorned is not my thing. It’s too easy for people to write it off as that and move on- not heeding your important warning.
So, before you share…
- Don’t do anything until you process the emotion.
It’s easy to lash out when you are hurt, upset, and feeling betrayed or manipulated. No one wants to feel like they’ve made a “bad” decision or been duped. But you have to deal with that pain so that you can make a level-headed choice for your next steps.
It took me quite a while to get through the emotions of all of it. I’m a sensitive person, I’m introverted (and take everything inward), and I took it personally.
Lashing out doesn’t help, but neither does lashing inward.
At the time, I thought I was the only one. A blog like this didn’t exist when it happened to me. Once I realized I wasn’t, things started turning up for me. It was a big lesson on forgiveness and an eye-opener about how I internalize everything.
Shame isn’t necessary in this situation because there is nothing wrong with you, but by holding onto it- you are constantly reliving it. You stop trusting myself to make decisions. You questioning my business because- well- what if it happens again? Can you trust anyone?
I’m a big fan of journaling and I highly recommend writing all of your feelings out. You can’t think them out because they just stay in your head and body. Take the time to hand write or even digitally, and get it out of your head.
- Write a letter to this person.
Cry. Get mad. Be scared. Feel it. Write it all down until you can’t think of anything else that you feel. You won’t be sharing this letter, so let loose. Tell them what they made you feel. Tell them what you think it means about you. Go on one heck of an uncensored rant.
[Note: this will not be shared with the scammer because, well, they don’t care. If they did, they wouldn’t have done it in the first place. It will help you get to a better place- but you will not get the response you want from them. You won’t cause them to change or make them feel remorse.]
Afterwards, if you can, think about the lessons you learned. What did it teach you? It’s not failure if you learned something!
Bonus: Write a letter to yourself from this person as a response. What would you want them to say back to you? Would you want them to apologize? Acknowledge the pain they caused you? Change their ways? Whatever it is- pretend it is them writing a letter back to you in response to yours.
The more you emotion you give and tie to the scammer- the longer you stay stuck there.
The more doubt and anger that fills your head, the less you are out there making a difference in the world.
Take the time to work through the emotions and then take a clear-headed look as to what response feels right to you.
- Determine your intention for sharing (and your path of sharing).
What do you want people to know? What is your intention behind doing what you’re wanting to do? Are you just wanting to shame them for making you feel shamed? Are you wanting to protect others? What is your intention?
My intention is to let others know that they are not alone. I want everyone to know:
You are not alone. You did nothing wrong. I know the pain and I’m proof that you can trust yourself again and come out on the other side.
- Decide your next steps.
Maybe it is litigation. Me personally? That wasn’t my fight.
Blasting her name out to the masses? Nope- not that either.
Sharing my story in a personal way that is kind, grounded, and centered…yep- that’s me. Let her get hit by her own karma train? Yep. Openly sharing my experience and being honest with anyone who asks about what happened and who, exactly, would do such a thing? Here I am… :)
What next steps align with who you are and the message that you bring to the world? How can you use your experience to help others in your own unique way?
This is Part 3 of a 4 part series on my experience being scammed. Here are the rest:
Part II- What to do if you’ve been scammed
Part III- (this post) Being Scammed: Are you ready to share?
April Julson is an Empowerment Coach and Energy Healer for heart-based entrepreneurs. She works with self-conscious women to boost their confidence and get comfortable being seen in their businesses. You can find out more about her services here.
Check out April’s brand new FREE course for self-conscious, heart-based entrepreneurs: Get Comfortable and Confident on Camera
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